Lucy in the sky...

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Don't be selfish, hon. Spread it around. LOL

Allergies!!! Ugh!!!! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Those breathe-rite strips help a lot. But no matter how comfy and warm you are otherwise, sometimes you just have to sit up, get out from under the covers and clear the sinuses.

yep that's about right

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

My grandparents got in because they needed people to work in the fucking mines. Everything was just hunky dory til we figured out we could unionize. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Seriously! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

I set a challenge for myself sometimes to listen in on as many different conversations as I can when I am at the bar by myself. You'd be surprised what people say, although a lot of it is really stupid shit like the meme says.

Finally two good conservatives... Make Love, not Masks

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Of course you must agree to be sexually objectified to effectively protest like this. My issue is that nobody in their right mind would want to sexually objectify me, so I gotta wear a mask. LOL

Hi dear agnostic friends.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Welcome aboard. Just jump in and hang on. :)

Now that is a loyal friend lol.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

I'm in. It can room with my karate monkey.

What a joke!

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Did they have adult diapers and adderall back then? Spray tan? LOL

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day,.

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. But set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -- Harry Dresden (as written by Jim Butcher)

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and nods when I nod, my shadow does that much ...

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Maybe just one. ;)

What would Aristotle say?

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2022:

MGGA!

I will be now called this?

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

It depends on how you feel about the inevitable connotations.

Now that is some skeleton logic.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Looks like he's about to bone her, if he can get her outta that joint. ;)

If only it was true

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Excellent. Might need to double flush, just a tip.

Maybe, just maybe, the investigation will strike paydirt before Trump runs out the clock: ...

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

A lot is riding on this.

Too true.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Sometimes your mood just sags.

A little help...Please!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Will do.

You're no fun! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Ok ok, how about adderall?

Competitive? Me?

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Good idea to play a board game with any potential partner to see just exactly how crazy she or he actually is. This right here is "Would you look at the time?" and then "ghost like Hoffa" material.

When I cook! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Someone watching me add another chopped jalapeno including seeds: Um, I think that's probably hot enough. Me, considering: Hand me that can of RoTel tomatoes, would you?

Not much of a surprise.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

CSI tech: We got a print, but it's a little confusing. CSI detective: Why is that? CSI tech: It looks like, wait a minute, yes, it looks like a dick print. CSI detective: Let's go get an arrest warrant.

Washington State is split in two after massive snowstorm.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Ouch. Keep yourself safe, Lit.

I am going to start a new university.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

When you get your master's degree, instead of a diploma they give you a collar.

As a Canadian with a marijuana grow license, I approve this message.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Try doing it five minutes after 4:20, or 1:05 if you did the math first. LOL

So much division in the world and so easy to fall into the hate trap.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

I wish I had that kind of control. No, I have disengaged with most people who have been radicalized. The ones I deal with knowing that they are radicalized, we've each learned to keep politics out of the conversation. I will state my views if pressed, but I will not argue about them, and if I am attacked, I withdraw. You can't be reasonable with people who are completely unreasonable, when verifiable facts are ridiculed and propaganda/mythology is actively (and loudly) promoted.

Dating tip? lol

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

If it works, hell yeah. Hey, the dude is all about gadgets, this is SO on brand. LOL

‘90 Day Fiancé’ star retires from selling farts after heart attack scare [nypost.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Farts in a bottle for money? Seriously? Free the methane. Because, you know for the rest of us, methane is pretty much free.

Worst game ever

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

Not a game. Nope, not at all.

I lost count at 20…

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2022:

16. Should still be enough to go to hell, right? I paid extra for the aisle seat on the sulfur express.

Say what????

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

Somebody tries that on me, there will be some punctuation.

This is why we need research universities

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

Dogs have been doing this for centuries, no research required. However, humans can get into some serious trouble trying the canine method on unsuspecting strangers.

Dostoyevsky

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

Sometimes you need to do what is required rather than what will make you happy, although there is a noble satisfaction that flows from fulfilling one's responsibilities. However, this quotation speaks to an aspirational choice we all face, and I agree with it from that standpoint.

Does Floriduh man Deathcamp DeSantis have COVID?

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

He is that rare combination of demagogue, bully, mincing wuss, and punchable asswipe. A true unicorn of fuckwaddery.

Trump has been telling the truth all along about Fake News and Witch Hunts the whole time, he is a ...

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2022:

I hope you're right, but I'll believe that he'll be held accountable when I see it.

That about covers it!

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

There's that "Speak English Dammit" group I don't see here. But yeah, pretty thorough.

Dealing with fake family this week! LMAO!!!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

Ooo, my sympathy.

I think the right island for his exile is Alcatraz or Rikers.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

Key West. Let the gay community observe his exile.

Izabel studies foreign languages and wants to be a diplomat when she graduates from the university.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

At least she has a landing strip.

A rising star in the GOP who railed against vaccine mandates dies of COVID-19 GOOD RIDDANCE!!!...

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

A rising star, eh? Shine on 6 feet under, hon. You got your freedom all right.

“The world is full of nice people.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

And even if you can find one, be one anyway.

I am hosting a gay Christian scientist in my b&b.

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Awww, you did good.

Dentist or scammer?

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Hah! He looks like a botched embalming job! LOL Good eye, Lit. :)

The GQP is on the march....

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

No, I guess not. LOL

Sorry I haven't been around much but my computer bit the big one after about 12 years of daily use ...

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Sorry, boyo. Computers would be perfect if we could figure out how to eliminate the hardware component. Good luck, boss, it'll all come together for you I'm sure.

Sometimes it is just closed

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Hah! I always pump my own!

Always looking for a little inspiration

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

A good fart can really clarify the mind.

Very important bracelet

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Nah, leave it there. I'll be dead, and whoever looks into this will probably find it to be enormously entertaining.

Asking for a friend...

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

The little bastards. I don't mind if they pilfer a few sunflower seeds, but they have started chewing the bird feeder plastic parts to get to more seeds thus destroying the feeder, so they ruined it for everybody. Luckily, my cardinals are pretty plucky and I have a lot of holly berries and juniper in the yard. I try to call the squirrels to the hawk's attention.

I might even go back to church for that

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

That's right stumpers, keep moving.

This would be much more beneficial than algebra.

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Real life IS that class. Z's theory of assholes: If the human race is wiped out except for two people, there is a 75 percent chance that one of them is an asshole, but there is a 99 percent chance that they are both assholes. No, the math doesn't work, but it's MY theory and I am sticking with it. ;)

“Only stupid people never change their minds”………………Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

You could be quite intelligent and still have a closed mind. But I take his point.

A very painful lesson.

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2022:

Who wants to tell him?

Well, there goes all our fun!

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2022:

Here's a guy who probably beats up his wife, bangs the babysitter, emotionally abuses his kids if he has any, and sneaks his moonshine by drinking it out of a 7-Eleven cup. Just speculatin', you understand.

Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon.

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2022:

Send the guys who already live in Siberia, they won't be able to tell the difference.

Explains much in my case

zeuser comments on Jan 2, 2022:

Right, like remember when you said that thing about that thing? Yeah, me neither.

Remember covfefe? Goes great with that hamberder and sunlight injection!!

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Ok. Can I say it even if I don't want to say global warming is a hoax? Like just come out and say "Trump is a moron who knows nothing" without any rhyme, preamble, or reason?

Fantasy vs reality

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Delusions of adequacy with the body of an over-the-hill sumo wrestler and a dick the size of a small mushroom. Can he see a vision of America? Can he see his own feet?

Sandwich surprise

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

That is NOT how I remember making a "fluffernutter".

This best describes 2021.

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2022:

Good gift for someone getting a divorce.

Solid? Ehh...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

Well shit.

Good riddance!!! [the-sun.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

I just hope her hubby and the father of those poor kids is smart enough to get the jab and get his kids vaxxed too. Mom can't make you feel bad about it anymore, poppo, so go for it.

Men wonder where all Their money went, but here is evidence of the final destination ...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

According to legend, add a few dollars and you will come into money. ;)

Haha, nice...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2021:

You eat the donut AND the donut eats you.

Will he be held accountable though?

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2021:

If the Russian mob decides he's too big of a risk. they will rub his greasy orange ass out. Otherwise, I suspect he will never be held accountable.

Might be...

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2021:

Might be, might not be. C'mon hon, you know the drill! LOL

Very good advice

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2021:

Easier said than done. But yeah.

Glenn Kirschner - The Law's Perception Problem; When Will Justice Come for Meadows, Giuliani, ...

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2021:

Oh man. A lot of us already understand that you don't get justice from the justice system. The current public exposure of this fact is infuriating, but predictable.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

One of so many variations of this gag - a good one. They are each just as funny every time. The classics never die. ;)

I would suggest that if you want to help @azzow2, contact him via a PM and send him a check.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

Well, if so, they got me.

At last the picture of why Trump is being protected by the CIA (i.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2021:

This rings so true, it explains a lot of things that I suspected but could never put voice to because I didn't know *all* of the back-stories. Even the smaller scale mob operations I knew about from my past follow this sort of pattern, and it becomes clear when the events of the DJT timeline are juxtaposed, with context, what was and is still going on with CI and capo wannabe Trump. It also checks that Trump is a moron, because it doesn't take brains to be mobster (you hire smarter guys to handle the details), just shameless greed, immorality, and absolutely no regard for anyone but yourself. Thanks for posting.

Sheikh's Vacations A Sheikh was talking to his Travel Agent.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Can't get anything past this guy. 🙄

A good man is gone.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Thomas Malthus called this one a long time ago. It's a losing proposition no matter how you look at it.

Awwww, such a pity to hear...that this asshole ain't dead yet. [huffpost.com]

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Another one bites the dust.

Christmas gift to myself. "Dream Forest" by Martha Flores.

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2021:

That's a beautiful painting. My daughter has a friend who paints intricate scenes of woodlands (and other things), but lacquered so there are layers to provide images with depth. She shows locally here in NC. You may want to look at her instagram account if paintings like this interest you. https://www.instagram.com/spyney/ As for your framing situation, measure the painting and look around on ebay. ;) https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_from=R40=p2380057.m570.l1313=frames+for+paintings=0

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2021:

So much for that "all knowing" crapola.

Well, I...just whew...

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

I think I see the problem. You don't "where" a mask, you "wear" a mask. Also, to reduce the risk of "clamedia", keep your pecker away from clams on TV. You're welcome.

Christmas giggle 🤣😂

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

Aww.

Please drive and drink tis holiday season.

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

I probably should find someone willing to drive me to drink.

Florida Man Claims to Have No Idea How Drugs Got Taped to His Penis The Associated Press reports ...

zeuser comments on Dec 24, 2021:

This is your dick. This is your dick on drugs. Any questions? LOL

Cats too.....

zeuser comments on Dec 23, 2021:

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's a trick question. Californians never screw in a light bulb, they screw in a jacuzzi. ;)

Biden successes outpacing anything Trump did. [youtu.be]

zeuser comments on Dec 23, 2021:

For one thing, he's a Scranton boy. Big plus there. ;)

HELP: Fellow Member Needs Help

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Done. I'll help anyone, but it's nice to be able to help one of our own.

Those who prefer democracy over fascism are concerned with the all-out effort of the GQP to up-end ...

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

If they pull some shit like that, then yeah.

I don't know if a blond guy should post this joke, here it goes anyway.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

*sigh* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCdfYkUPvTs 'Cause everybody's gotta have somebody to look down on Prove they can be better than at any time they please Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on You can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me

He said it....

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Heeeeere buddah buddah buddah!

Dewey, Cheatem & Howe would never take the case. They have standards.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Why I oughta...

How hard is it to work out exactly what she said to him?

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

*raises hand* Ooo, I know! Call on me!

Naughty death

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Oooo, I can see his boner!

It never stops...

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Sulu, arm the torpedoes!

I don't consider this rude at all. [youtu.be]

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

I'll try my best, promise!

Some quotations from the world of American sports, mostly humorous.

zeuser comments on Dec 22, 2021:

I like how AG.com auto tagged this with a BernieSanders tag because one of the quotes was from Doug Sanders. the golfer.

The answer my friends is blowing the GQP...

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Let's not forget the systemic impact of the deliberate republican de-funding of public education, at the federal, state and local levels, over decades. I still think that was a deliberate effort to make the American people stupid, and it continues today with their insistence on including religion in public education and resisting anything that resembles attention to racial, LGBTQ and sexist injustice over the centuries. And now they will probably get, with their UNETHICALLY PACKED SCOTUS, *taxpayer fucking money* to publicly fund religious indoctrination - but of course only when it's christian. People ask "what's wrong with this country?" The answer is all of this, plus a bunch of deadhead goobers in thrall to white supremacy and general bigotry armed to the fucking teeth looking to overthrow democracy. Never thought it would come to this, but...here we are.

An elderly couple go to their local fast food restaurant.

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Sharing is caring. There's an adage that, in this case at least, has some bite to it.

Some of us have it worse than others!

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

It's all relative, Mr. Stocking.

Shakespeare, Hemingway, Don Martin

zeuser comments on Dec 20, 2021:

Mayor Pete FTW!

A despondent young woman who had lost her job and her house had decided to commit suicide.

zeuser comments on Dec 20, 2021:

When I tell this joke, it's the Staten Island Ferry. The good ones never get old. ;)

Poor Santa

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Aww.

A tough interview question

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Busted! But, you're not wrong.

One of those relationship psychics wanted to paint a picture of my future mate and this is what they...

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

You could certainly do worse.

A priest collapses and is rushed to hospital.

zeuser comments on Dec 18, 2021:

Honest mistake. Creepy, but honest.